爱华网几天前我和妻子参加了一场婚礼，我们和几位单身女子坐同一桌。
The time soon came for the bride to toss her bouquet to the “single ladies.”很快就到了新娘将花束抛给“单身女”的时候了。
One of the single ladies at our table remained seated while the other women went to the dance floor to attempt to catch the bouquet (which of course symbolizes, here in the U.S., that they will be the next person to get married).当其他女子都到舞池中去接花束的时候，我们桌上的一位单身女子仍坐在原位（在美国，单身女子在婚礼上接到新娘抛出的花束预示着她将成为下一个结婚的人）。
My wife asked the “single lady” (who remained seated at our table) why she wasn’t heading to the dance floor to attempt to catch the bouquet; this young lady’s response is what inspired me to write this article today…我的妻子问那个单身女子（她仍坐在我们桌旁）为何她不冲向舞池去接花束；这位年轻女子的回答启发了我今日写下这篇文章……
She responded saying, “It won’t do me any good; guys just want to date those kinds of girls.”她回答说，“这对我来说没有任何意义，男人只想跟那些类型的女孩约会。”
So today I want to talk about…因此今日我想谈谈……
How to Attract a Man, or Woman如何吸引异性
Remember this, if you don’t get anything else out of this article, “you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.”记住这一点，如果你没有从这篇文章中得到任何东西，“你不会吸引你想要的那种人，你吸引的只是和你一样的人。”
To attract an amazing spouse, you must become amazing; the good news is: “Everyone is capable of becoming amazing.”要想吸引一个十分出色的伴侣，你必须也变得十分出色；好消息是：“每个人都可以变得十分出色。”
In general, we tend to attract partners that are similar to us, relatively speaking. Put even more bluntly (and perhaps offensively to some), if your ideal male partner is a “10,” on a scale of 1-10, you want to make sure you’re a “10″ as well.通常，相对而言，我们容易吸引和我们相似的伴侣。甚至更坦率地说（或许对某些人来说有冒犯之意），如果在1到10之间取分，你的理想男伴得分为10，你就要确保你的得分也是10。
I’m not just talking about your “looks,” or your career exclusively; I’m referring to everything that you have to offer. You may be a “10″ in the looks category, and a “2″ in the attitude category. This would average to a “6,” (in this example); which means you should be looking for a partner who is a “6.”我并不仅仅指的是你的“相貌”，或者仅仅是你的职业；我指的是你得付出的一切。你可能在相貌上可以得10分，在态度上得2分。这样平均下来就是6分（在本例中），这就表示你应该寻找一个值6分的伴侣。
The problem is, no one thinks their attitude is a “2.” They look in the mirror and see a “10,” then wonder why they keep on attracting “6’s.”问题是，没有人认为他们的态度只是2分。他们在镜子里看到的自己值10分，然后就想知道为何自己一直吸引6分水平的人。
The “6″ they attract may be a “10″ in the looks department and a “2″ in the character department, so he cheats on them, and now they’re really confused.他们所吸引的6分水平的人可能在相貌上得10分，在性格上只得2分，因此对方对感情不忠，而现在他们真的很困惑。
It’s not enough to just excel in one area, you must have balance in what you offer the relationship. You can be beautiful on the outside, but if you’re a negative person, or if you show no respect, or if you have little compassion towards others, then it will certainly take away from your beauty.仅在一方面有优势是不够的，你必须在给予这段恋情的各方面达到均衡。你可能在外表上看起来很漂亮，但如果你是一个内心消极的人，或者你对他人不尊重，抑或你对他人没有一点同情心，那么这将必定会使你的美貌大打折扣。
Additionally, you can also be the nicest person in the world, but if you don’t take care of your body and your appearance, “like those girls,” you may have trouble attracting your ideal mate. If this offends anyone, I apologize, but it’s the truth.此外，你可能也是这个世界上最好心的人，但是如果你不注意自己的身体或外貌，“就像那些女孩”，你可能也不会轻易找到理想的伴侣。如果这点冒犯了任何人，我道歉，但这是事实。
These are very simplistic examples, people are far more complicated than this, and there are usually many, many more factors. But the fact remains; you are attracting on some level, “what you are.” As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together.这些是非常简单的例子，人们的现实情况要比这复杂许多，通常有更多的因素存在。但事实仍是如此，你吸引的是和你一样水平的人。常言说，物以类聚人以群分。
If a person you’re dating turns out to be a jerk. Remember you had a part to play in this, it was you who attracted this person, it was you who decided to go on a date with this person, and it was you who decided to continue the relationship.如果正在和你交往的人证明是个笨蛋，记住你对此负有一定责任，是你吸引了这个人，是你决定要跟这个人约会，是你决定继续发展这段恋情。
Life is not just happening to you. Accept that you are playing a major role in your relationships. If every guy “you pick” is a jerk, then you are the common denominator in those situations.有些事情并不是总是发生在你一个人身上。你在自己的恋情上发挥了主要的作用，接受这一点吧。如果你挑选的每个人都是笨蛋，那么你也跟那些人有相同之处。
You have to first deal with your issues. As Shakespeare so beautifully wrote, “the fault dear Brutus, lies not in our stars…but in ourselves.”你必须首先处理一下自己的问题。正如莎士比亚的妙语所说，“错误不在星星，而在我们自己。”
Now that I’ve raked you over the hot burning coals, what’s the solution?既然我已经严厉斥责了你们，那么怎么解决这个问题呢？
There’s a saying that goes, “be the change you want to see in the world.” I like to say, be the person you want to date. If you want to attract the ideal man, you’re going to have to be the ideal woman (and vice versa). This seems fair, right? In order to become the “ideal” you may have to get a job, pick-up behind yourself, learn to cook, wear make-up, be nicer, change your diet, etc. The alternative option would be to lower your standard, which I don’t suggest, when you are capable of being better. …Be your best, to attract the best:有句名言这样说道，“欲变世界，先变己身。”我想说，要成为你想约会的那种人。如果你想吸引理想中的男人，你就要去成为理想中的女人（反之亦然）。这似乎很公平，不是吗？为了成为那个理想中的人，你可能要找个工作，振作精神，学习烹饪，化妆，更平易近人，改变饮食习惯等等。还有一个选择就是降低自己的择偶标准，如果你能够变得更好，我并不建议这样做。做最好的自己，吸引最好的伴侣：
You’re going to have to work on your weak areas, the ones that you’re probably oblivious to. There’s a saying that goes, “To see us, as other’s see us, would from a number of blunders, free us.” You should ask someone close to you (who’s not afraid of hurting your feelings), what they think you should do in order become more attractive (not just physically) to the opposite sex, and don’t ask someone whose having the same problem you’re having. You may have to ask several people in order to determine the common denominators. …Are they all saying you need to be a little nicer? If so, then you can probably stand to be a little nicer. If they’re all saying you need to lose 20lbs, then you can probably stand to lose 20lbs.☆你必须要在那些大概你已经忽略的弱势方面努力。有句话这样说，“站在别人的立场上看我们，可能会有很多错误，那就让我们自由。”你应该去询问和你亲近的人（他们不担心会伤到你的感受），他们认为你该先后来做些什么让自己变得对异性更具吸引力（不仅是在身体上），不要去询问和你有同样问题的人。你可能需要去询问好几个人来确定他们所说的共同点。……是不是他们都说你需要变得稍微再友好点？如果是这样，那么你就很可能要变得再友好一点了。如果他们都说你需要减掉20磅，那么你就很可能要减掉20磅了。
Don’t say, “This is just who I am (accept me for me), I just happen to be ‘very controlling,’ etc. ” If you do, you will keep on attracting below your potential.☆不要说，“我就是这个样子（接受现在的我），我只不过恰好‘控制欲强’，等等。”如果你这样做，你会继续吸引那些低于你潜力水平的人。
Somebody’s probably thinking, “But change is hard!” Yeah, and so is being alone on Christmas! Change is hard, but it’s worth it, …you deserve to have the very best!或许有人会想，“本性难移！”是的，但是独自过圣诞节也是很难熬的。改变是很难，但这是值得的，……你值得去拥有最好的那个人！
In closing, determine to be your best, and you will receive the best.最后，下定决心去做到最好，你就会得到最好的那个人。
Remember, there’s a vast difference between conformity and laziness, …so become a perfect 10 today (your very best) and you will attract the very best!
记住，从众与懒惰之间的差别是很大的，……因此从今天起做到满分（最棒的自己），你就会吸引一个最棒的伴侣！
